Mark & Sophie

Her eyes were so crisp and bright, but he couldn’t see them. Instead he was greeted by her long brown hair that smelled of vanilla and practically brushed the top of his desk.

He wanted to touch her long locks, to run his fingers through the ends of the hair that sat just above the pencil holder. He wanted so desperately to let the hair tickle his fingers, but he wanted to see her eyes more.

And he wanted to see her mouth.

Taking a big breath full of vanilla and feeling himself harden, he placed his feet on the metal book rack under her chair and rapidly started bouncing them, shaking the chair she sat in.

Her hair bounced a bit but there was no reaction from the girl.

He picked up his pen and placed it between his fingers and started drumming the desk with the pen.

Still nothing but a couple glances from other classmates.

He needed Sophie to turn around.

He stopped playing with the pen and resumed shaking her chair with his feet again as he fixated on the hair that practically tickled his fingers. And that’s when it happened. Finally, her hair brushed his fingers as it swirled a bit before she whispered, “Please stop.”

It happened so quickly, he missed seeing her eyes—her mouth—as she faced forward just as quickly as she had whispered for him to stop.

The fidgeting ceased, but it was as if the whisper was directed at his penis because it throbbed so much that he instantly placed his feet back onto the back of her chair and bounced it with even more vigor.

“C’mon, Mark,” she said turning around to look at him. “Stop.”

He tried pretending like he was looking out the window, but he had to look at those eyes, that mouth. He smiled at her and when she grinned back, he prayed not to explode.

Mark’s feet slipped off the book rack under her seat and onto the floor where he continued to bounce them.

She turned back to face the front of the class and as she did, her long brown hair slowly danced near his fingertips.

Mark sat there looking at his hand and the brown hair that kissed it. He wanted to say something more—do something more—but wasn’t sure what, so he continued to sit there for a minute before his shoes found their way back onto the book rack under her chair and started fidgeting again.

“Mark,” she whispered as she turned to face him. Her mouth was closed and wasn’t grinning.

“Sorry, Sophie,” he said shyly, sitting up straight in his chair, flipping his long blond hair in front of his face as he looked down into his book.

Sophie turned back around more slowly this time, but Mark wasn’t able to watch. He wished they weren’t in the classroom together. He wished the other classmates weren’t around. They didn’t like Sophie. She was the new girl and nobody liked the new girl. But Mark did. And he wanted her to know that he thought of her often, and he wanted to let her know how sorry he was about confronting her with the others when she first started at the school.

But he couldn’t tell her there in the classroom.

So he sat there with his hair in front of his face, thinking of Sophie’s beautiful blue eyes; wondering if she thought about him as much as he thought of her—or at all, for that matter; wanting to rub himself into oblivion but trying to focus on the teacher’s drone in hopes of calming everything down.

mama’s meatballs

not sure what’s happening with this here blog but until i figure it out, here’s another recipe for you. it’s a real winner, i promise. my 5yo says, “mama’s meatballs are awesome!” and for a 5yo and her 39yo daddy to want to eat them is saying something. it’s a winner. that’s what it’s saying. you’re welcome.

originally these were referred to as mini turkey meatloaf because that’s really what they are since i make them in a muffin tin. but to get the kid to maybe try a bite, i called them “mama’s meatballs” and gave her a side of ketchup. she devoured it, and, like i indicated above, she says they’re awesome.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 container extra lean ground turkey breast
• 1 large zucchini (or more), shredded
• 2 cups Kale (or more), chopped
• 1-2 cups herb seasoning stuffing (or a box of stove top would work too)
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 2 egg whites
• 1 tbspn paprika
• 1 tbspn parsley

DIRECTIONS

• mix everything in a big bowl
• spray a muffin tin with cooking spray
• gather a handful of the mixture and make a ball of sorts to fit into muffin tins (12)
• bake at 350 for about 20-30 minutes

these smell amazing prior to baking and after. and they taste… wow. they really taste so freaking good.

banana mmmuffins

these little guys are quite tasty and low calorie, not to mention quick to whip up:

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup whole wheat flour (next time I’ll do 1/2 cup wheat flour, 1/2 cup oatmeal)
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup old fashioned oats (next time bump up this amount and decrease flour)
• 1 cup mashed bananas (3.5-4 large bananas)
• 1/4 cup splenda (will probably eliminate next time)
• 3 tablespoon egg whites (you can use one large egg but that’s more calories)
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce

DIRECTIONS:

• Preheat oven to 350.
• In bowl mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, oats with a whisk.
• In another, larger bowl mash bananas really well along with splenda, egg whites, vanilla, applesauce.
• Slowly add dry ingredients to banana mixture.
• Scoop mixture into muffin tins (should make 12 muffins).
• Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes/toothpick comes out clean.

NOTES:

I found these to be too sweet, but I’ve pretty much cut out added sugar from my diet. Next time, I will eliminate the splenda and possibly add a sprinkle of brown sugar on top before baking. Of course you could use regular sugar if that’s your jam.

I added the oats at the end when it dawned on me that I was originally wanting to make banana oatmeal muffins. Next time I make these, they will be done with 1/2 cup wheat flour, 1/2 cup oatmeal.

Before baking, I added mini chocolate chips to the tops of 6 of the muffins. With or without the chocolate, they are super sweet (hence wanting to eliminate the splenda next time). These would be awesome with some nuts, too.

12 muffins as followed calculate (on MyFitnessPal) out to 65 calories a muffin.

candied almonds

The holidays are upon us. Years past I’ve always made Christmas Crack and while the recipe makes a lot (I like to give something edible and yummy as little gifts) and is damn freaking tasty, it’s also kind of a pain to make. And, having lost 50 pounds recently, I just didn’t want the temptation so I searched for something easier- but just as yummy as a treat- and came across Slow Cooker Cinnamon Almonds on Pinterest.

Wow.

These are seriously so freaking delicious. And easy. And delicious. And they smell amazing. And they’re delicious! I read different recipes (which were all the same) and comments and kind of did my own thing, which is why I’m calling them Candied Almonds and posting my own recipe.

Ready for something fantastic and easy and oh so delicious that will make your house smell so incredible?

In a bowl, combine 1 cup white sugar, 1 cup brown sugar, 2 Tablespoon cinnamon (I only had like 1 Tablespoon so I also added some Nutmeg) and mix. In another, larger bowl beat one egg white and 2 Teaspoon Vanilla extract until nice and frothy. Then add your almonds to this and make sure to stir and coat every almond with the froth. Once that’s done, add your sugar mixture and mix mix mix mix mix.

 

Then spray a crockpot with cooking spray, dump the almonds inside, cover, and cook on low for 3-4 hours, stirring every 20 minutes or so. About an hour before time is up, add a little water (I added some water to my cinnamon jar to get all the cinnamon I could since I was too lazy to go to the store on the Sunday before Thanksgiving for cinnamon) and stir stir stir. And keep checking on it and stirring it until most of the liquid dissipates.

When that happens, after about 3-4 hours total, dump mixture onto parchment paper and, with clean hands, separate almonds or they will stay clumped together. Let sit and cool for HOURS. Then you can jar up (the remainder- because let’s be honest, you’re going to be eating a LOT of this in the process… you know… to test it out and ensure it all tastes the way it should) and give someone a gift of these fantastic yummies!

 

first thing in the morning and i already need a bloody nap

I had another fucked up dream last night. They don’t happen often, but when they do they sit with me for a long, long time. I don’t think it would be such a big deal if it didn’t involve a very crucial person in my family. And how we “behave” in the dreams. There’s always… ALWAYS… an odd sexual tension between us in these dreams and it’s just not right. Not at all. It’s downright fucking disturbing.

At 42, is it possible that I’ve repressed some majorly fucked up shit that may have happened to me as a child until now? In my dreams we’re both adults, but I just… I mean… It doesn’t make sense.

I have to believe it’s just poor sleeping habits or something.

I have to believe there’s something else about these stupid fucking fucked up dreams than what I’m left with feeling and reeling in upon waking up.

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Little white cups with foil adhered on top. They lined the top shelf in the fridge. Mama would eat one here and there. She wasn’t one to share her food, yet she never tried hiding the yogurt. And when I asked if I could have one, I found out why. YUCK! I never really understood the appeal of yogurt.

And then Greek Yogurt entered the market (or I became more cognizant of its existance?).

I can’t get enough of this stuff.

I feel so grown up sometimes.

i cried so much that day

It’s been nine years since the phone’s loud ring woke me out of a slumber. Nine years since my mom told me my grandfather had fallen and hit his head just before bed– that she had to call 911 and that he was en route to the hospital.

I knew it the moment I heard the shakiness in her voice that he was gone.

They didn’t pronounce him dead until after they got him to the hospital so it was technically November 8, 2005 when this happened. But I always remember it as the 7th.

November fucking seventh.

I spent that day at work. I believe it was a Tuesday.

My brother called me in the afternoon to tell me he had enough with his son’s attitude and was going to be granting Jordan’s wish to go live with his mother who never wanted anything to do with the boy. But Jordan was 13, my brother was on disability with little money coming in, and they were constantly fighting. So Marco took the easy way out and let Jordan go.

I cried so much that day.

I left work and headed out to my brother’s house an hour away. I had to give my nephew a hug before he left. I guess I knew it then that our lives were all going to be so very different from that moment on.

I wasn’t there when his mother picked him up, but I was there when she left him 9 years prior. I was there on his first day of Kindergarten. I was there at all of his soccer games. I was there helping him with his spelling. I was there teaching him how to tie his shoes. I was there going on bike rides with him. I was there feeding him dinner at night and getting him off to school in the mornings.

After saying goodbye to Jordan and trying my best to get him and his dad to talk, I drove home that night in tears.

I cried so much that day.

By the time I got home I was so spent that I just undressed and climbed into bed as soon as I got in the door. And then the phone rang. And then it was cemented: my life was forever changed.

Not all anniversary’s are happy ones. Like this one. November 7th. The day my brother stopped talking to my nephew and the day the most wonderful man in the world left this earth.

Fuck you November 7.

happy happy

Happiest of Birthdays to the one, the only, the amazingly talented and ageless

B R Y A N   A D A M S

1994

It was definitely his eyes that caught my attention. They were quite beautiful. Blue. Big. Kind-looking. And the fact that he got stoned on the daily only seemed to brighten his eyes even more. Interesting thing that pot or crying does to one with light, bright eyes–makes them even more brighter. I know as my eyes are light as well–especially when compared to my dark hair and complexion. (I’ve got lots of experience with trying to hide my eyes when unhappy, after spending time crying. Sometimes for no real good reason, really. Or when there was a good reason. Like the weeks and months following a miscarriage when just the sight or sound of a small child moved me to tears.)

Glenn’s eyes weren’t ever really sad. On the contrary. I remember finding them so soothing, comforting. I remember not wanting to stop looking at them. And the fact that he seemed to want to look into mine as well… oh the butterflies.

I probably lost twenty pounds that Fall.

how to ROCK your curly (and maybe even gray) hair

Step 1: Get a good DRY cut. Preferably from someone who’s experienced cutting curly hair DRY. Without combing it out, without wetting it down first.

Step 2: THROW AWAY YOUR COMB or brush.

Step 3: HYDRATE your hair.

Step 4: Be patient.

This video is pretty good for what you need to do once you get a good cut.

For me, personally, I just use whatever shampoo I want (though I’m sure the No Poo is what I should be using) as well as Aussie MOIST Conditioner to save some money. But I ABSOLUTELY use the Devacurl Gel and will forever and always, amen.

• I never use a comb or brush. EVER.

• I apply loads of conditioner to sopping wet hair and that’s the ONLY TIME I detangle– and only via use of my fingers.

• I wet my hair nearly every single day, but I don’t always use shampoo. In fact, I only shampoo twice a week max. However, when I do get it wet, I do ALWAYS use conditioner and the Devacurl gel.

• I NEVER rinse out all the conditioner—I flip my head over in the shower so I’m bending forward and the water gently rolls down my back and onto my head. And while it’s doing that, I’ll gently scrunch my hair so that it’s not sopping wet and so that some of the conditioner does get out (otherwise it tends to build up on my scalp).

• Then, IN THE SHOWER, I apply the Devacurl- just like in the video for the most part though I don’t “smooth” it on as much as the video. I just kinda scrunch it onto my hair, which is VERY wet.

• I NEVER blow dry.

• I rarely use those clips- instead I use a head band, which I don’t take out till completely dry. DO NOT TOUCH HAIR until it’s completely dry (and even then don’t touch much).

If doing all that above, I generally always have awesome hair days! And so can you!