sickening sweet

It’s been a long time coming, but I made the decision a couple months back that it was time to really and truly treat myself better…to take care of me.

I finally made a doctor’s appointment for a physical and blood work several weeks ago and was told by said doctor what I already knew: I’m incredibly fat and need to change things. So I vowed to do just that. I started logging all foods that entered my system via My Fitness Pal (highly recommend, by the way). I was doing really well and was seeing a difference on the scale, too.

Then I got a call from the doctor’s office that I needed to go back into the office to discuss the blood test results. I suspected the outcome and was soon spot on in my thoughts:

I have diabetes.

When I was pregnant five years ago, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD). I was pissed off when I first discovered this, but once I learned more about GD and that it truly was the fault of my body’s system and not because I was old or fat, I accepted it and did all I needed to do to ensure my baby doll wasn’t born with diabetes. She wasn’t.

I was told then that because I got GD during pregnancy, chances were much greater that I’d get diabetes later in life.

I didn’t think they meant five fucking years later.

Again, upon learning of the diagnosis, I was pissed. But this time, instead of learning it’s the fault of my body’s system, I learned it was the fault of … ME.

The years I’ve spent consuming whatever the fuck I wanted caught up to me.

The thing that really upsets me about all this besides the fact that I did this to myself is that I’m not 80. I’m 41 (42 on Saturday). Forty fucking one. And I have diabetes. I have diabetes because of the shit food I’ve consumed most of my life. Because of the inactive lifestyle I’ve led most of my life. Because of ME.


It’s only been a couple of weeks since the diagnosis, but I’ve made significant changes that I feel I have to live with forever and always, amen.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to have a foot or leg cut off for not giving a shit about my blood sugar levels.


The good thing about being proactive about all of this is that I can change this diagnosis. I can. And I will! There’s just no other way around it. I have to eat natural foods- low in calorie, low in carbs. I cannot have anymore sweets. I just can’t do it.


The time has finally come to be good to me and that’s exactly what’s happening from herein out. Period, end of story.

But not end of me.

23 thoughts on “sickening sweet

  1. So scary to hear news like that. Good luck with the life changes you’re making. They are hard but worth it. I have to make similar changes and I’ve been putting it off. Thanks for the reminder to get off my ass and deal with things.

  2. Twindaddy says:

    Now I’m confused. My doctor told me that if I was going to get diabetes I’d get it no matter what and it didn’t have anything to do with what I ate. Sigh…I’m going to hafta research this now.

    I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but glad you have already begun to make changes. Diabetes, if left untreated, can really mess you up.

    • from what i know (and i’m not a doctor or expert whatsoever), there are two types of diabetes: 1 & 2. 1 is uncontrollable and often hereditary, 2 is generally more controllable through diet and exercise, particularly if caught early. if you get 1, you’ll get it no matter what. but not so with 2 which is why it’s generally not dx till much later. again, NOT an expert… maybe someone else can chime in?

      • Twindaddy says:

        I’ll be seeing my doc soon for my annual check up, but I’ll ask again. My mom has diabetes and I want to do whatever I can to ward it off as long as possible.

      • do you know which type she has? if type 1, then yeah, there’s a greater chance you’ll get it. :/ kind of like how I had gestational diabetes during pregnancy and now have type 2. i guess. i’m the first in my family’s history, that i know of, to have diabetes. YAY ME!

      • Twindaddy says:

        I don’t know off the top of my head. She had GD with my brothers and I, so maybe Type 2? I need to find these things out, it seems.

  3. Oh, that sucks! I hope you can get it under control. They say (whoever “they” are) that once a person loses her taste for sweets, she won’t crave them anymore. I don’t believe them, but maybe it will happen for you. *fingers crossed*

    • thanks.
      sweets aren’t really my issue (not that i don’t love me some ice cream or NUTELLA) so much as carbs– pizza, fries, cheeseburgers, chips. oh well. seeing my daughter grow up is way more important to me than a freaking pizza.

  4. Sarah Ann says:

    Good luck with your new regime. I hope you have people around to support you – ditch the ones who offer you treats. Your will and anger both come across strongly in this – you will succeed. Your suspicion before your doctor gave you the diagnosis is a strength – recognition prior to having this dumped on you will hep you make the changes you need.
    On a different note, I have a niece who had GD this year and hasn’t been given the warning you were. I will be sharing your post with her.

    • thank you.
      i’ve actually lost a lot of weight in the past (and gained it back) so i know i can do it, and fortunately my husband is an incredible support. also, this time, i just don’t feel like i have any other choice but to eat healthy always. maybe bc this time i have a child who needs me. GL to your niece!

  5. I’m so sorry to hear that Christina, but so very glad you are doing something about it! I’m jumping in based on previous comments. Ready for some science? Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease, one where your immune system destroys the cells in the pancreas that make insulin. Once all the cells are gone, those people are completely dependent on insulin for the rest of their lives. Onset is usually before mid-30s, and often in kids. Type 1 never gets better. The best one can hope for is to stabilize it. Type 2 diabetes is a metabolic disorder. Meaning, the body can still produce insulin but it no longer responds well due to other factors. Some people will get it no matter what. But in the majority of today’s cases, people get type 2 diabetes because of poor eating habits and being overweight–meaning most people would not have gotten it otherwise. The extra weight really stresses your system. The good news is that in some cases type 2 is reversible if you lose weight and eat healthy (and if that’s you, you might be able to eat sweets in moderation, eventually yay!). You haven’t had it very long. I think you could still reverse it. And you’ll feel so much better. You are strong. You can totally do this!

  6. Well that sucks, but I think you’re approaching the whole thing with courage and aplomb and a positive attitude. Go you!
    I have a friend with type 2 who is 65. She enjoys a treat every now and then but enjoys amazing, healthy food every day and gets in some really nice, long walks along our city’s parks and river systems. It has prompted her to enjoy life in ways she didn’t necessarily think she would. It seems the news can be motivating and can lead to positive things. Kind of like a birthday present wrapped in crappy paper that starts out being the last thing you want but that turns out to be the best…if that makes any sense? I wanted to work happy birthday in there somehow 🙂

  7. Natalie DeYoung says:

    Way to go! Although yes, this is shitty news. My grandfather has diabetes, and doesn’t take care of himself, and will (if he doesn’t die) lose a limb. For this reason, I so admire people who care enough about themselves to change, and that includes you. Good luck!

  8. Meg says:

    I like your fighting spirit! You can do this. As an aside, here in rural Ohio, folks call diabetes “the sugars.” As in, “I’ve got the sugars.”

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