I climbed on top of him and nestled my face into his neck. He smelled like cigarettes and baby powder, oddly enough. I could’ve laid on top of him like that forever–smelling him. But I needed more so I started to softly blow on his neck. He started to stir a bit and I started to suck on his neck, and soon, I couldn’t control myself anymore.
It didn’t take much sucking, kissing, nuzzling his neck before he fully woke.
I stopped and lifted my head up so that I could look at him and was met with his blue eyes. My god those eyes. He always looked like he was about to fall asleep, yet he also looked like he could hold the deepest of secrets in those eyes. Those beautiful sky blue eyes that widened when he saw me.
He was absolutely surprised. I really hoped he wouldn’t be pissed.
I tried smiling to let him know I knew what I was doing and what I wanted, and that it was okay by me to keep going. He looked at me for a good minute. His hands were on my hips. He wasn’t trying to move me off of him, they were just naturally there and I never wanted them to move.
I felt as if I could cry at that moment. I had never done anything like this. I had never gone for what I wanted in any aspect of my life. I always was the one to just let things happen to me. But there was something about Jeremy, and I couldn’t risk him not knowing how I felt. So I climbed on top of him that night with his little brother in the bunk right above. I climbed on top of him with a long tshirt on and nothing else. Absolutely nothing else. I climbed on top of him with the intentions and hopes that he would, at the very least, lift me onto his hard cock. I really wanted him to rip off my shirt. I wanted him to take control and roll me onto my back, lift my legs up into the air, and fuck me. Hard.
I just needed him inside.
I felt him get harder and harder. He still didn’t say anything, didn’t push me off of him, didn’t try to kiss me. Maybe he thought he was dreaming. Maybe he was afraid his little brother would wake. I wanted to assure him that it wasn’t a dream, it was real and I hoped he was happy about that. I leaned back down and burrowed into his neck again. I inhaled like I’d never inhaled before, and felt so high I could float to the ceiling.
His hands shuffled from my hips and back again and, in an instant, he slipped inside.
My back arched up, my neck snapped back.
It was amazing. Just amazing. We remained still for a moment–he deep inside of me. I didn’t want the moment to end. I wanted to die right then and there with him inside of me.
Tears streamed from my eyes.
He moved his hands from my hips to my back and pushed me toward him. We hugged, him still deep inside. Our mouths met; our tongues, of course, danced. He took off my shirt and rolled me over, taking off his shirt and shorts. He lifted my legs, just like I’d hoped he would.
I couldn’t stop the tears he tried to gently wipe away.
After he came, he did a push up off of me and rolled over so that he was scrunched against the wall.
It would be morning soon and his little brother would be waking. I found Jeremy’s mouth with mine one last time before groping for my tshirt and slithering out of his bed and room and back into his sister’s room.
The next morning was complete chaos. Emma was barking orders to the rest of the kids, including Jeremy.
Jeremy never looked at me and I tried not staring at him. He did remember, right? He knew it was real, right? Oh god, what if he didn’t remember? What if he hated me now? What if he thought I was too fat or too old?
I helped Emma get bowls of cereal on the table for the little kids when suddenly there was a sharp pain in my side. The pain started to burn. I moved my hands to my side and could feel warmth slip into my hands. It was blood. I’d been stabbed. By whom? By what?
The kids were all running around screaming. They ran in circles from the kitchen into the living room down the hall toward the bathroom back into the kitchen. Over and over again. I tried catching up with them as the blood gushed from my side. I didn’t quite know what the fuck was happening, but there was lots of it happening.
I saw a stack of CD’s on a shelf. They were mine. My favorite band—U2. They were Jeremy’s favorites too. Would he grab them for me? Should I grab them for him? I couldn’t. Then everyone would know what I did last night and I couldn’t risk losing Emma’s friendship because I slept with her little brother. Emma and her entire family had pretty much become my own family after all.
And besides that, I had to hold my side to hopefully prevent the blood from gushing out while I chased the kids. Around and around we went through the house. And finally one of the little ones fell to the floor and then the others piled on top of him. Everyone was gasping for air. I still held the blood from my side.
We had to now clean the house before child services came. I wanted to put everything in trash bags; Emma insisted that we throw nothing out. “Everything has a purpose,” she said combining two plastic hangers into one to make a hook to hang something from it.
Jeremy still avoided me.
I found something that I knew was his but acted as if I didn’t. “How ’bout this?” I asked Emma. “Can I toss it?”
It was an empty box that once held a bottle of Jeremy’s favorite cologne.
“No that’s Jer’s,” Emma said.
“Right,” I commented as I searched to give him his empty box.
Jeremy finally looked at me. I smiled. It’s okay, I wanted to say. It’s more than okay.
“Here,” I said handing him the box.
He took the box and grabbed my hand while never leaving my eyes. “Thanks,” he said.
At that moment, my legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor.
“Jesus, what the fuck happened?” Jeremy asked.
“I have no idea,” I whimpered, grasping at my side.
possibly to be continued. dunno.